Someone

Have you ever met someone,

got attached to them,

became fond of them,

and think;

"It's going to hurt so bad when they leave"?

Because I do.

I met someone,

got attached to him

become fond of him

and worst - I loved him;

and he left me.

It hurts. So bad. So very bad.

So I promise myself:

to never meet anyone,

to not get attached to them,

to not become fond of them,

and the most crucial - to not love them;

so I would not hurt, again.

So no one would hurt me, again.

Sagau

7 tahun & kau masih belum penat

Apa perlu aku bangkit
lalu undur?
Bilamana ruwet dunia sudah mula
bikin kita culas
untuk mengatakan selamat pagi
pada jari-jari Tuhan?

Kata kau
kita tidak perlu ikut arah kompas hati
yang sudah hampir mati
atau karah juntaian warna pelangi
yang tidak bewarna lagi

Waima kita sama faktab
tapi perlukah kita beri dunia
kepuasan untuk menjatuhkan?

Rama-rama
jatuh bangun kita tidak sama
tidak sempurna
tapi ianya mampu untuk beri sedikit cahaya
dihujung gua yang telah tutup

Terima kasih, rama-rama
Kau sayapku yang sentiasa membantu aku
untuk terbang tinggi
bersama-sama kau
mengejar mimpi yang tidak pasti

Tapi aku bersyukur
bersyukur dengan kehadiranmu.

Lowest

Fall down on

the last bit of the night

Empty

and low-passion

Romantic poetry

drip from my lips

Depression

really is beautiful

It slows

the blood grains

Just enjoy

the endless anxiety

All the beatings

that rips off the silence

Lethargy please 
don't leave so quickly

I dive deep until the heart’s weary

Romantic poetry

drip from my lips

Depression

really is beautiful

I dive deep until the heart’s weary

Melancholia

I’m melancholic

Always a melancholic

Melancholia

Detonate

I'm in a room of thin glass walls
with a time-bomb waiting to explode
I'm at the edge of breaking down
Why are you even here?

Tick..tick..tick..
time-bomb is ticking..

Please..
Why are you making this harder?
Don't I have the freedom to drift whithersoever I choose?

Please..
Don't make this harder
Aren't you supposed to be my reminder?

Tick..tick..tick..
time-bomb is ticking..

Remind me on
those cuts
those loathes
those idealizations
those thoughts – very bad thoughts

How can you judge based on my fucked up brain?

Someday
One fine day
I'll leave you with a bit of myself
with hope it'll be enough to help remember
the days that you came to this place

Someday
One fine day
You'll realize that every piece of me has exploded
and there's nothing can mend the broken me

Nothing.

Guilt

Things went wrong so fast!
I'm not so sure anymore if I did the right thing
But one thing I know, my intention was right.

I couldnt bear the lie anymore
I couldnt lie to him anymore.
I could not..

The truth hurts, but honesty is everything.
Yes, I lied before to my past.
But u r different that I want u to know the real me.

Relationship will not last if its made by beautiful or hurtful lies,
so, I chose to spit everything out.

Who knows that u'll stay?
Who knows that u'll still love me the same,
even after u know the truth?
Who knows...?

The guilt I'm bearing now, is the guilt that I dont want to add anymore.

Let just the level stays that way
without me fucking things up again..

One thing,
it will never fades away...

-June 21, 2017

Tell Me

"Don’t tell me about the lovers that the universe fights for. The ones who are adored by fate and keep getting pushed together because they are soulmates. They are meant to be. I don’t want to hear about them.

Tell me about the people who the universe fights against. The ones who the stars look down on with disdain and fate sneers at. 

Tell me about the girl who knows the forces are against her but fights anyway for the one she loves. Tell me about the girl who doesn’t give a damn about destiny and refuses to give up.

Tell me about how she burns quietly for her love, silent in her battle but always holding on. 

Tell me about how for a few moments the universe pushes him back towards her and she can breathe again. Tell me about how her heart beats faster and her soul quiets when she hears his voice. Tell me about how she falls in love with her name whenever he says it. Tell me about how his scent and his arms become home to her. 

Tell me about the way she burns and burns and burns.

Tell me about how she lets her guard down and begins to believe that she won. That maybe the universe will let her have this. That the universe will let her have him.

Tell me about how she finally finds her happiness.

Then tell me about the way it was stolen from her.

Tell me about how the universe ripped him away from her and threw him into the arms of someone else.

Tell me about the way she broke. The way she shattered, her heart in pieces and stabbing her as she bled out from the inside.

Tell me about how she couldn’t breathe anymore. How she cried. How she screamed. 

Tell me about the sleepless nights and the darkness that consumed her.

Tell me about how she gave up hope. How she finally stopped fighting.

Tell me about her. About the girl who was broken by the universe. About the girl who lost.

Don’t tell me about soulmates and happily ever afters.

Tell me about a girl who is just like me. Tell me the stories of those who only know tragedy"

— Most-Exalted

You

"Is this real?" I asked myself.

You came into the picture during my lowest point

I was crooked, bent and almost die

from a broken heart.

The shits I were in,

of course,

you understood them very well

so well

that we

unconsciuosly

fall

into

love

that

might

has made

for us

since the beginning..

Ask me, what is love?

"You"

Ask me, what is my happiness?

"You"

Ask me, what is the air that I breathe?

"You"

It feels like Ive known you for years

..I know you like the back of my hand

Is this good? Is this...

Ah whatever it is,

I feel good & it feels good.

"Unexpected thing is usually the best"